Finally!

WOW! I haven’t updated since March. I am such a slacker. I did try to do a video blog before leaving for the Philippines however it would not upload for some reason. Yes, the Philippines!! Now, this update will be about the Philippines.

From June 11th to June 26th, I was able to experience the urban environment of Metro Manila in Makati City. I stayed at a place called the Center which was home to several of the pastors of LJBC (Lord Jesus Bible Church) and their families. I went to the Philippines through International Teams, and this is where they placed me after I said I wanted to help with Urban Poor and Youth Ministries. I really can’t express with words how this trip changed me, or should I say how God changed me with this trip. So, here is a list of a few things that I experienced while in the Philippines…

1) Bathed with just a barrel of water and a ladel.
2) Taught kids their ABCs.
3) Went to the Mall of Asia.
4) Helped kids in the Tutor Center.
5) Rode on a motorbike.
6) Rode in a sidecar.
7) Led a Youth Fellowship on a Sunday night. Had some help with translation though.
Had my feet cleaned at a Fish Spa.
9) Went to Youth Visitations to some of the poorer parts of the city.
10) Ate fish that was cooked whole, bone and all. Didn’t eat the bone obviously.
11) Ate some of the sweetest mangoes I have ever had!
12) Stayed overnight at a beach resort that was about 4 hours away. Amazing!!
13) Saw some of Manila’s history. Jose’ Rizal was an inspiration!
14) Went to 2 Sunday services at LJBC, and felt God’s presence in another language. Awesome!
15) Learned some Tagalog words. Gwapo, maganda, makulit, etc.
16) Made some of the closest friends, and know that my other family is those of LJBC!

A Blast from the Past

So, this will be a new post on here, but this has actually been taken from my old blog on Xanga. This post was on January 28th, 2004. I became a Christian on February 15th, 2004. It may seem like a bunch of words, and it is, but I can still feel the gut-wrenching honesty and searching I was venting in these words. Let me know what you think.

Hidden. Transparent. Uneasy. Question. Lies. Doubtful. Shroud. Snow. Drift Away. Reunion. Death. Confront. Never Again. Fear of crying. Inferior. Exterior. Memory. Love. Cold. Music. Confused. Dark. Ice. Blackhole. Sore Muscles. Tattered Heart. Distant. Reaching Out. Guitar Solos. Attached. Surprise. Maturity. Rough. Talent. Quality. Intermix. Hold Hands. Guidance. Rejection. Disappointment. Push away. Wounds. Physical. Purple. Soothing. Rage. Vanity. Screams. Pull Toward. Reality. Insane. Chance. Blood. Shattered Bones. Stupidity. Shallow. Victim. Prey or Predator? Abuse. Max Volume. Wonder. Valley or Mountain? Twisted. Expect. Smoldering. Direction.

And at the time I was calling myself a punk. So, I did the punk thing by writing these on a plain t-shirt with a black sharpie and wore it to school the next day. My friends told me that it was the sh*t, and it was f*cking awesome. I mean because that’s what you do when you’re 16. You cuss because it’s cool, right? I know I certainly did. So, this is just a glimpse of what I used to be like. Feel free to read more entries from my Xanga. You can actually see the transformation of God’s awesome love in the entries after Feburary 15th, 2004 and how I was desperately seeking before.

It’s About Time!

Sorry about the lag! I look like a really bad Bruce Lee movie, which I watched alot of those growing up. Anyways, please look over that minor detail.

My First Video Blog. Whoot!

Zaxby’s Mission Statement

I am such a slacker when it comes to blogging. I’ve been home since the 11th, and haven’t even attempted to blog. However, I have been reading, and doing some writing. And I rearranged my room here at home and basically cleaned it out. I’ve been going to bed at midnight most nights and waking up between 10-12. It’s been pretty nice.

BUT, anyways, I wanted to discuss something that caught my eye when I ate at Zaxby’s over Thanksgiving with my mom. She gave me the receipt for the call number, and this is what my eyes read…

Zaxby’s Mission Statement: “Consistently create encore experiences that enrich lives one person at a time!!”

Wow. A fast food joint that has awesome chicken and wings is striving and working towards something that many Christians have lost sight of (including myself). We can get so wrapped up in making sure everyone has the one perfect experience, that we throw consistency out the window. We want to bring in the next new big thing every Sunday that we don’t recognize some smaller things that do what we need EVERY Sunday. And the other part of this statement, one person at a time. We play the numbers game alot. I agree that attendance is a form of evaluation, but it’s NOT the main one. We’re so eager to bring everyone in that we can lose sight of making them into disciples.

Just some food for thought.

…And some writing of my own…

And everything happened at once.
So many goodbyes in one whisper.
I can’t cry because the well is dry.

Let me fall to my knees, and cry out for you.
Not for love and grace,
but only because of this nagging guilt.
Simply put, an obligation.

When will this cycle end?
This cycle of self pity, selfish motives, and mediocrity…
I need to let go, and lean on you.
My rock over the sand.

My Eventful Saturday with Awesome People

So, my Saturday was pretty sweet!

1. Woke up at 7:20ish to go hiking with Brady and Kelly.
2. Our first stop, Bojangles! Cajun filet and sausage biscuits with mayo. Apparently I ruined all that was great in a Cajun filet when I put mayo on it.
3. Traveled to our first stop, Blue Hole Falls while jamming to Justin Timberlake.
4. Got on the trail, and things were going good. Just enjoying God’s creation and awesome friends.
5. Get to the waterfall and begin our trek down. Well, I missed a step and my foot submerged into the very cold water. (Little did we know what was to come…)
6. We’re to the point where we have to shimmy across the rocks beside the waterfall. It was very slippery. And that’s when it happened…
7. I was going slow, but steady. AND then I lost my footing. Conveniently at the steepest part of the slope. I couldn’t stop, and before I knew it, I was chest deep in VERY COLD water.
8. I quickly threw my bag to Brady because my camera was in it. There was no way I was going to have it submerged in the water!
9. Brady and Kelly help me out of the water, trying not to laugh at me.
10. At this point, I am wet, kind of cold, and feeling pretty ridiculous. So, I said a word that just fit the whole situation. And that’s when Brady and Kelly died in laughter. And well, I joined them about a minute afterward. I mean, well, it was pretty funny. (Still is funny…)
11. We took some pictures, and then trek back up the waterfall.
12. It’s going pretty well, and we’re walking up this narrow ledge. Kelly is behind me, and Brady in front of me. Kelly tells me to turn around for a picture. I do, and the ledge gives way more than I wanted, and I almost fall a very long ways. Thankfully, Brady was there and didn’t let me. His response to Kelly, “Don’t tell the wet one to turn around…on a ledge!”
13. We head back up to the car, and go to a small country gas station. Brady bought me a moon pie.
14. Our second designation is Chauga River! And it was truly amazing! My eyes took in the sight, and then I closed them, and let my ears take in that sound of rushing water, and it’s power.
15. I was just enjoying God and his creation, when I hear a “Ah! I’m so awesome!” And I open my eyes to see that Brady had just taken a picture of me. So, then we all decide we’re going to take lots of pictures. Good, goofy, unexpected, whatever.
16. We trek back, and go home.
17. Later in the evening, we go to Just More BBQ, and then downtown Greenville. Katherine and Heather joined us.
18. On the way to Greenville, Brady rapped ALL of Ice, Ice Baby. It was impressive.
19. Tried O’Cha green tea with Kiwi. Shouldn’t have gotten the tapioca balls in it. So, I spent the rest of the night spitting those at Kelly. And she didn’t even know!
20. Came back to my apartment, and me, Kath, Kelly, and Brittany played Kath’s N64! We played 007 Golden Eye and Crusin’ World. It was so great…especially those horns. Ah, inside joke.
21. I had an AWESOME Saturday with some very AWESOME friends.

Addiction and the Concept of Determinism

In chapel today, we had an addictions counselor, Dr. Coffield come and speak. Automatically I was intrigued because the word addiction always triggers the words, drugs and alcohol. And well, I don’t have a problem with either of those. But, he knew that, and actually discussed idolatry. Despite being quite scatter-brained, his steps toward isolation really hit home.

When we put something before God, we begin to feel guilty about it. So, we decide we are going to buckle down until our knuckles are white, and overcome this idol by ourselves. Obviously, we set ourselves up for failure by trying to defeat it on our own. This causes us to slip into a state of hopelessness until the point in which we become numb to the consequences that come with putting something before God. And since we no longer feel guilty, we get to the point where it becomes embedded into our minds that God won’t and can’t forgive us. It’s at this point we isolate parts of ourselves because we’re so ashamed and think we are the only ones with this problem.

With this it’s pretty plain to see that we can become addicted to more than just drugs, alcohol, or pornography. We can become addicted to our schedules, our busyness, our jobs, etc. And the question is, What if we actually start going to God with our insecurities, our fears, and our deep-rooted problems? What if we start being completely honest with God instead of just giving him our lesser problems? By just giving him “the easy stuff”, we build this false security around ourselves. And so, when something really bad happens, we tend to blame God for it. When in actuality, He has been there the whole time, holding us up.

It just really made me think about my addictions. I can say that I have been addicted to my schedule for a while. I justify my lack of time with God, with having 18 credit hours and 2 jobs. And I, in a way blame God for it because He is the one that called me here to SWU.

Well, also today in my Philosopy class, we discussed determinism and freedom. This concept just really stood out in my mind. If we were completely determined, there wouldn’t be any grace. If my mistakes are pre-destined, then how can I repent and be forgiven? I know that God decided to create me, and in that way I have been determined. I had no way of creating myself in my mother’s womb. And the world around me was determined, I had no control in creating the landscape with the trees, mountains, etc. As small as my freewill may be, it is vitally important. Because if all of my short comings and mistakes were already pre-destined, then what is the use of Godly sorrow? There wouldn’t be any grace, and Jesus dying for our sins would have been pointless.

I am grateful for my free will, and I am grateful for wanting to follow Jesus, and that God is willing to guide me along the way. Point blank, I am nothing without Him.

The question is Why? Why exactly?

So, I realize that it’s been almost 2 months since I’ve blogged and that’s crazy! However, there is a reason to my madness aside from being busy with school, work, and all that jazz. I got to thinking about why exactly I blog. Do I do it because I want to get alot of hits and comments to further my supposed popularity in the cyber world? Do I do it so I can appear to have it all together, and seem so nice and neat with how I position my wording? Is it merely a means of keeping people updated who I don’t talk to on a regular basis? Or possibly, maybe I do it just because everyone else is doing it. Is there a bridge in sight that everyone is going to jump off of? And am I going to follow? Or maybe just maybe I come here to this page to express myself, and just let it all out? My method of screaming at the top of my lungs if you will. “What’s going on?! Hey, yeah, yeah. I said hey, What’s going on?” Thank you 4 Non Blondes for your early 90’s 1 hit wonder that just says it right now.

Don’t get me wrong, if there is good news I share that too. Because My God is good, and he is amazing, and I just don’t know what I would do without him! He is my constant. So, if I know all of this then why do I take him for granted? Why do reject him so much, why won’t I let him just hold me?! When did praying become so arkward, forced, and unfamilar? When did the Bible become just another book to me? Where is my awe? Where is my passion? Why is my grip holding so tight to that of the past?

I just finished reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, and I absolutely loved it. It reminded me that my God loves me. He loves me just for me, not for what I’ve done, and that I need to let him love me in whatever condition I am in. And after that refreshing, it seems I have now twisted Manning’s words into an excuse of being lazy. I’ll just let God do all the work and become completely calloused. No! I don’t want that! I need my blessed assurance, I need my Father! He is all that I need. I say that all the time, that he is all I need. But is he all that I want? The truth is yes. I am in the process of letting what is in my head seep down into my heart. Because he IS good!

Here’s a song that just says it ALL right now.

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me.

“Carried to the Table”- Leeland

Olympic Week and other sorts of things…

This week at camp, we had our Olympics!

Highlights

1) My boys were Team Japan.
2) We designed t-shirts for our team. Some kids wore theirs everyday!
3) I was Mr. Potato Head for The CPTV (Camp Pathway TV) News every morning. My co-anchor was Flarry Larry(Hank my JR counselor) who wore a different hair style everyday.
4) Events were pretty sweet ranging from canoeing relays to an obstacle course.
5) I was the only person to score ZERO on the discus throw aka frisbee toss.
6)  There were 2 Team Awards: Most Team Spirit and Best Sportsmanship.
7) Team JAPAN won both awards!! I am so proud of my boys!
I got a pretty nasty scrape/cut/bruise right above my elbow while on the obstacle course.
9) 8 countries were represented at Camp Pathway.
1) France
2) Canada
3) Switzerland
4) Greece
5) Jamaica
6) Japan…my boys!
7) Italy
St. Kitts

Those were some of the highlights. It was so amazing to watch the kids encourage and cheer each other on. My boys placed 3rd in all the events except for 2. But that didn’t matter to them. They were cheering each other on!! Today was the last day, and a couple of my boys got into a fight. Me and my other counselor Zach decided to sit them down and make it clear to them that we had seen them grow and the attitudes that were developed in Olympic Week needed to carry on for the rest of the summer.  We told them that we loved them and were praying for them daily.

And that’s when something beautiful happened.

One of our boys, Trey whose last day was today asked if we could do a prayer ring.  Besides me and Zach, we had 3 out of 11 boys pray. I was closing us in prayer, I was going strong and that’s when the Holy Spirit moved on me. I broke down in tears.  If you know me, I am not much of a cryer…and I really feel like God is trying to show me otherwise. It really shocked my boys and me. But their response touched me. They hugged me, and told me it was going to be alright.

Until next time!

I’ve Got a Pocket Full of Sunshine

So, I am not a fan of the Natasha Beddingfield version of this song. But with an acoustic guitar, it’s pretty awesome! I will post more of my summer happenings later this week. Until then!

ALSO, check out their myspace! They’re called Boyce Avenue.