Unlocking the Doors

So, I realize that it’s been almost 2 months since I’ve blogged and that’s crazy! However, there is a reason to my madness aside from being busy with school, work, and all that jazz. I got to thinking about why exactly I blog. Do I do it because I want to get alot of hits and comments to further my supposed popularity in the cyber world? Do I do it so I can appear to have it all together, and seem so nice and neat with how I position my wording? Is it merely a means of keeping people updated who I don’t talk to on a regular basis? Or possibly, maybe I do it just because everyone else is doing it. Is there a bridge in sight that everyone is going to jump off of? And am I going to follow? Or maybe just maybe I come here to this page to express myself, and just let it all out? My method of screaming at the top of my lungs if you will. “What’s going on?! Hey, yeah, yeah. I said hey, What’s going on?” Thank you 4 Non Blondes for your early 90’s 1 hit wonder that just says it right now.

Don’t get me wrong, if there is good news I share that too. Because My God is good, and he is amazing, and I just don’t know what I would do without him! He is my constant. So, if I know all of this then why do I take him for granted? Why do reject him so much, why won’t I let him just hold me?! When did praying become so arkward, forced, and unfamilar? When did the Bible become just another book to me? Where is my awe? Where is my passion? Why is my grip holding so tight to that of the past?

I just finished reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, and I absolutely loved it. It reminded me that my God loves me. He loves me just for me, not for what I’ve done, and that I need to let him love me in whatever condition I am in. And after that refreshing, it seems I have now twisted Manning’s words into an excuse of being lazy. I’ll just let God do all the work and become completely calloused. No! I don’t want that! I need my blessed assurance, I need my Father! He is all that I need. I say that all the time, that he is all I need. But is he all that I want? The truth is yes. I am in the process of letting what is in my head seep down into my heart. Because he IS good!

Here’s a song that just says it ALL right now.

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me.

“Carried to the Table”- Leeland