Unlocking the Doors

In chapel today, we had an addictions counselor, Dr. Coffield come and speak. Automatically I was intrigued because the word addiction always triggers the words, drugs and alcohol. And well, I don’t have a problem with either of those. But, he knew that, and actually discussed idolatry. Despite being quite scatter-brained, his steps toward isolation really hit home.

When we put something before God, we begin to feel guilty about it. So, we decide we are going to buckle down until our knuckles are white, and overcome this idol by ourselves. Obviously, we set ourselves up for failure by trying to defeat it on our own. This causes us to slip into a state of hopelessness until the point in which we become numb to the consequences that come with putting something before God. And since we no longer feel guilty, we get to the point where it becomes embedded into our minds that God won’t and can’t forgive us. It’s at this point we isolate parts of ourselves because we’re so ashamed and think we are the only ones with this problem.

With this it’s pretty plain to see that we can become addicted to more than just drugs, alcohol, or pornography. We can become addicted to our schedules, our busyness, our jobs, etc. And the question is, What if we actually start going to God with our insecurities, our fears, and our deep-rooted problems? What if we start being completely honest with God instead of just giving him our lesser problems? By just giving him “the easy stuff”, we build this false security around ourselves. And so, when something really bad happens, we tend to blame God for it. When in actuality, He has been there the whole time, holding us up.

It just really made me think about my addictions. I can say that I have been addicted to my schedule for a while. I justify my lack of time with God, with having 18 credit hours and 2 jobs. And I, in a way blame God for it because He is the one that called me here to SWU.

Well, also today in my Philosopy class, we discussed determinism and freedom. This concept just really stood out in my mind. If we were completely determined, there wouldn’t be any grace. If my mistakes are pre-destined, then how can I repent and be forgiven? I know that God decided to create me, and in that way I have been determined. I had no way of creating myself in my mother’s womb. And the world around me was determined, I had no control in creating the landscape with the trees, mountains, etc. As small as my freewill may be, it is vitally important. Because if all of my short comings and mistakes were already pre-destined, then what is the use of Godly sorrow? There wouldn’t be any grace, and Jesus dying for our sins would have been pointless.

I am grateful for my free will, and I am grateful for wanting to follow Jesus, and that God is willing to guide me along the way. Point blank, I am nothing without Him.