Unlocking the Doors

So, this will be a new post on here, but this has actually been taken from my old blog on Xanga. This post was on January 28th, 2004. I became a Christian on February 15th, 2004. It may seem like a bunch of words, and it is, but I can still feel the gut-wrenching honesty and searching I was venting in these words. Let me know what you think.

Hidden. Transparent. Uneasy. Question. Lies. Doubtful. Shroud. Snow. Drift Away. Reunion. Death. Confront. Never Again. Fear of crying. Inferior. Exterior. Memory. Love. Cold. Music. Confused. Dark. Ice. Blackhole. Sore Muscles. Tattered Heart. Distant. Reaching Out. Guitar Solos. Attached. Surprise. Maturity. Rough. Talent. Quality. Intermix. Hold Hands. Guidance. Rejection. Disappointment. Push away. Wounds. Physical. Purple. Soothing. Rage. Vanity. Screams. Pull Toward. Reality. Insane. Chance. Blood. Shattered Bones. Stupidity. Shallow. Victim. Prey or Predator? Abuse. Max Volume. Wonder. Valley or Mountain? Twisted. Expect. Smoldering. Direction.

And at the time I was calling myself a punk. So, I did the punk thing by writing these on a plain t-shirt with a black sharpie and wore it to school the next day. My friends told me that it was the sh*t, and it was f*cking awesome. I mean because that’s what you do when you’re 16. You cuss because it’s cool, right? I know I certainly did. So, this is just a glimpse of what I used to be like. Feel free to read more entries from my Xanga. You can actually see the transformation of God’s awesome love in the entries after Feburary 15th, 2004 and how I was desperately seeking before.